I reached my savings goal. Then I lost it all

Avoiding “no” drained my bank account

How did this happen?

2024 was my best year financially. Yet by December, my bank account was nearing zero.

A year prior, I had done everything right. Built a six-month emergency fund. Hit my saving goals. Played the long game. But now, that money was gone. And not because of my own emergency.

In many of my friends’ families, the eldest especially supports the parents. They either send a monthly allowance or cover rent and groceries. My situation wasn’t that bad in comparison. My parents lived a 5-hour flight away from me and my younger brother 14. They only asked for money when they needed it. It wasn’t every month.

The requests came sporadically. My dad needed money for his business. My brother needed money to eat. And when family asks, I help. That’s what being a good daughter is, right? Besides, what else is an emergency fund for?

I had a paycheck coming next month. I would be fine.

So I sent the money immediately, every time. After a while, I didn’t even think about it. They were all just numbers on a screen, disappearing through Wise.com.

I did notice my bank balance shrinking, though. To make myself feel better, I spent on myself too. She worked hard for the money (so hard for it, honey). I deserved to enjoy it.

New office-core clothes. Trixie Cosmetics makeup. Hyrox-branded athleisure (after months of training, the fitness race had become my entire personality).

By December, my emergency fund was gone. Every dollar I made was either going to my family or straight into an online checkout. No more avoiding it. I had to look at my bank balance (and the lack of zeroes) and ask: How did this happen?

A few weeks later, my brother sent me a Discord message. He needed money again. This time, I had none to give.

So I said no.

Oh.

I could actually say no?

Why did it suddenly feel so easy? It wasn’t like I had learned some grand lesson. I had no other choice. Huh. Turns out, when I hit rock bottom, saying no wasn’t hard.

I wasn’t bad with money. I wasn’t reckless. I had a psychological block around saying no to my family.

Everything shifted when I realized that. I set a new rule: I don’t give money unless I have a full six-month emergency fund. This is my new “rock bottom” line.

I said no to my brother. I said no to my parents.

Then something strange happened. Saying no to myself got easier, too. When I found myself drooling over notebooks or used film cameras online, I imagined the contentment and safety I would feel with having the emergency fund sitting in my account. Suddenly, the gear didn’t look so tempting. Like a shiny object losing its luster under daylight.

I can do this. Right now I’ve penny-pinched my way back to one month of emergency funds, two if I stretch it and get on a college student’s Indomie diet.

And this time, when I hit the six-month emergency fund threshold, I’ll protect it better.

Thank you to friends who didn’t penny pinch with their feedback:

Rik

,

Nat Lee

,

Ved Shankar

.

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Update log:

• 🗞️ I’m trying to pitch a piece to After Babel. Any tips on pitching articles to external publications?

• 🥗 I asked my workout instructor for nutrition tips, which she understood as a euphemism for “diet tips”. She looked me up and down and was like “??? you look fine.” Sometimes I just need to hear that from another boss ass bitch. I’m glad she’s a girl’s girl.

• ✍🏼 Part of the Write with AI course I’m doing with

  Kelly Davis
  involves handwriting ~5 paragraphs every day. My forearms are sore.

• 💕 Celebrated six years with Jin!

• 🥲 Had an “I’m so glad I’m still here” moment and cried on Sunday afternoon. Just grateful to be here.

• 🌈 Facing a change that I was a bit terrified about. Then my therapist reminded me: “You’ve done this before. You’ve chose to left what is known and what is safe in order to embrace what you feel is authentic to you”

Book a call: Have a bite-sized creative project? Let’s give you a starting line boost a la Mario Kart - https://calendly.com/beckyisj/

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