Reading last year’s morning pages
A year worth of notes
2023 Becky had a lot of growing to do.
No, really. I’ve got my old journal to prove it.
I’ve just finished reading her 400-page journal (she’s quite the blabber), one that has been filled with musings from March 2023 to February 2024. This practice of morning pages, which I picked up from Julia Cameron by way of YouTuber Jenn Im, has been a constant since I discovered it three years ago.
In these pages, I detailed my various decision-making processes (such as why I paused my YouTube uploads), epiphanies (”wow, I’m publishing every week like a true writer”), agenda for the day ahead (grabbing breakfast next door, buying Matt’s birthday gift). My journal houses tangled thoughts that slowly unwinds itself with every word I put down.
After I filled the last page of the journal, I thought I’d give it a flip through, inspired by an easily forgettable pillar in productivity: reflection.
A critical component from the Getting Things Done method aka the productivity manifesto is to do regular reviews, starting from weekly periods, then monthly, quarterly, and annually. The idea of these reviews is to look back at the likes of a calendar, task list, and inbox to see what worked out during the period and what could be improved on.
Why not do the same to journals? As I flipped through my old journal entries, I could look back at situations I was in with the extra lens of hindsight, time, and experience. It was also the closest I can get to having a conversation with myself. Most of my thoughts are a silly soliloquy, a monotonous monologue. But reading my thoughts gave me a chance to truly hear myself out. And not just any version of Becky, but a past Becky that got through a really horrible work day or that was elated when she got engaged. I met a different Becky on every page and I got to engage with her various thoughts and emotions.
I was really quite honest in these entries (one read: “Brittany is annoying. She didn’t appreciate my fried rice so I don’t want to cook for her anymore”). There are some lines that are cringey to read, or even teeter on the uncomfortable side (another entry read: “I don’t know if I deserve this happiness.”).
If you’re not cringing at your past self, have you grown since?
The first step to drawing insights from my journal is to create categories to notice recurring themes: work, relationships, side hustles, health… After reading through page after page of unfiltered thoughts, I was able to come to some realizations about myself.
For one, I thought cooking was a waste of time and was considering more food delivery. It felt like a lot of work to gather up the ingredients, clean and prepare them, and move them around in a hot pan until something good comes out. But my journal entries repeatedly show that I enjoyed the process of cooking. Of being able to take time out of a hectic day to chop garlic and chili. Of plating it beautifully on a blue ceramic bowl. Of serving it to just myself, or to my partner, or to my friends. As a result of that revelation, I’ve invited more friends over for some home-cooked meals.
I would not have realized that had I not looked at a series of patterns dotted across long stretches of time. Somewhere in my journal pages, there are lessons to be learned and insights to be uncovered. And who better to take advice from than myself?
I’m my own best teacher, I just didn’t know it.
If there are stretches of pages with no lessons, reading back old journal entries would at least be a good way to see how far I’ve come… or not. One example where I saw growth was from this entry: “I’m really tempted to buy a new pocket notebook”. I didn’t end up buying the notebook and now I’m not tempted to get new “productivity” accessories anymore. A win! Other examples highlight areas I’m still stagnant in. This entry read: “I had a health check up at work today and the results called me fat”. This is an insecurity I struggled with that led me to start running. I still grapple with that insecurity and hid my bathroom scale in January. Not a win.
Still, I’m fighting the discomfort of reading old entries in order to fish out insights from my past self. When I read these pages, it always feels like dipping my toes into a swimming pool and shuddering at the cold temperature. But then I ease myself in and before I know it, I’m learning more about myself through these pages.
Thank you to friends who went through past versions of this essay: , , , , and .
Update log:
🔍 A great example of the insights from reading old journal entries:
’s 27 learnings from 2023.📕 I finished reading A Little Life… a book so depressing that it came with many warnings and made my therapist go “ooft”.
📖 Reading Rich AF by Vivian Tu (28% completed). She started the book off by focusing on the often forgotten side of the equation: that you can have more money by earning more, not just by cutting expenses.
🪷 Joined the opening call of
’s experimental women’s group. She’s a university friend that I’ve reconnected through Substack. Writing is a wonderful way to meet and remeet people.💼 This week, I’ve got to host a meeting that’s filled with execs from major financial firms in Hong Kong. I still can’t believe I co-chair this inter-organizational group. I’m really nervous but I think I’ve got what it takes.
🤒 Fighting a splitting headache and my body feels sore all over. So far I’m not positive for COVID but this is making me feel absolutely horrible
Some links are affiliate links, meaning that I may receive a commission if you make a purchase through the links at no cost to you.
"I’ve got to host a meeting that’s filled with execs from major financial firms in Hong Kong." Cool! Good luck!