Slower steps

If it’s too hard, make it easier

There’s no cardio I hate more than running.

I just don’t get the hype. Running is walking but just… faster? And I have to exert constant willpower to keep moving? And it’s also weather dependent? It’s very different from strength training, which I love for making me feel stronger and developing visible muscles. I often have to hide a smug smile when I slip on extra discs on my bar, well aware that I’m racking the heaviest weights in my Bodypump classes, a repetition-based strength workout.

But muscles that put The Rock to shame can only get me so far. I know I need to supplement my physical training with cardio. Running is the simplest, and probably healthiest form of exercise. Strength training develops the external muscles, but cardio improves the internal body system.

My body knows it too. I’ve hit a plateau with weight training. After years of Reformer pilates and Bodypump, I’m getting no more results. My body shape hasn’t changed, my weight is stagnant, and I am not hitting that muscle fatigue that I used to. The newer Bodypump routines in class also involve jump squats and jump lunges, or squat presses in quick succession. I’m huffing at the end of each track, billowing at me to improve my cardiovascular health.

Good physical health is important to me. My body is how I go through my daily life. The more I improve it, the more reliable it becomes. Muscles around my joints that are strengthened from weight training prevent injuries while traversing Hong Kong’s inclined roads and hikes. Better physical conditions make me feel more energized while working. A well-maintained body is also paramount for my mental health.

If the next step to improving my body’s performance is through cardio, then I will push for it.

I keep trying to fall in love with running. I started signing up for 5Ks. It’s the shortest race distance, so I know it’s well within reach. I did three last year, and trained in the weeks leading up to them. I used the Nike Run Club audio guides, which helped for a while before they felt repetitive. I always do an okay time with a virtual coach in my ear, at around 6 mins/km or so. I never look forward to a running session. I also think I’m doing it wrong, because my left foot would always swell up, expanding against my running shoes.

Once I started a run, the amount of willpower I needed to keep going felt extraordinary. Should I stop at this bend or head further? Should I stop after this loop or do another one? What about stopping at that corner? I kept trying to get a discount from my running time because I did not find it enjoyable.

But I’m determined to add cardio to my workout regimen. I bought myself a new pair of running shoes, one size up, hoping that’ll solve the discomfort in my left foot. I convinced myself that the 18°C breeze is wonderful weather to run in. I negotiated the terms of the run: let’s be careful lest we injure our left foot. Let’s put on Beyoncé’s eponymous album and not a podcast or a guide. Rather than a speedy, information-dense run, let’s go for vibes instead.

On January 1, I had the best run ever. I slowed my pace to a light jog, which according to my Apple watch was 8 mins/km. As my body turned the bend to my usual running route, my mind began to wonder. I let myself get lost in thought. I pondered on The Pathless Path. I considered what ingredients to include in the Indonesian fried rice I was cooking for dinner. I contemplated doing this run again tomorrow.

I looked up and saw the skies splashed with orange and pink clouds. I’ve always loved sunsets. It’s a fleeting moment that temporarily introduces new hues to the horizon and causes long, cast shadows from the Hong Kong mountains and skyscrapers. Usually I find a spot to witness the sun hide behind a layer of the skyline. My camera would be set on a tripod, ready to capture the exact moment the sun dips away from view. I’ve never actively observed it like this, basking in its golden glow as the warmth slips away with the disappearing light.

In slowing down my running pace, I noticed three things:

• I entered a relaxed and perhaps meditative state. I didn’t have to push myself to run, but I was still jogging along. It didn’t take any willpower to keep going

• My wandering mind fetched some new essay ideas on the way

• The Becky that was so resistant to running is now enjoying this “walking but faster” thing and… wants to continue this tomorrow

The last point is likely the most important one. Running at a relaxed, 8 mins/km pace left such a good aftertaste that I wanted to do it again. The most important part of building a habit is to find favourable conditions that would make me want to show up to the next rep. So I laced on my trainers again the next day.

I have been running now on days where I don’t do strength training. I do them after work, starting at sunset and ending at dusk. I still haven’t felt any muscle changes, but I’m enjoying the extra 40 mins of my wandering mind.

This makes me wonder if I can take this concept of making an activity shorter or doing it slower to other habits I’m trying to build. Like meditation. I don’t enjoy it… yet. I still find I need to exert a lot of willpower to sit down in silence, even though the Waking Up app just asks for ten minutes. Maybe I could shorten it to five? Maybe that will have me running back.

Thank you to

Harrison Moore

,

Linart Seprioto

,

Miche Priest

,

Lavinia Iosub

, and

Meryl Rowlands

for helping this piece get up and running. Also shouting out friends that write about running:

John Nicholas

,

Matt Tillotson

, and Charlotte Grysolle.

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Update log:

• ❓ To friends who have monetization turn on for Substack: What made you do it? How did you do it? What do you put behind a paywall? I have many questions and would love to chat.

• 📕 Finished reading The Pathless Path by

  Paul Millerd
  . I’d recommend this book for anyone who has a job, regardless of what you are pursuing outside of it.

• ✈️ I’m headed to Osaka for a few days. It’ll be my first time in Japan and I couldn’t be more excited to capture the place with my film camera.

• ✨ Watched the latest two episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race and Beyoncé’s Homecoming with some friends over homemade poke bowls. Watch parties are the way to go. It’s more fun to make sassy comments with fellow sassy gays.

• 🍚 Made ham and tuna kimbab for a picnic with friends.

• 💰 Had the first quarterly financial review of my investments with my wealth advisor. It’s still crazy to say that. Will write about this one day if y’all are interested...?

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