The fear of leveling up

The two levels of creating

This morning, my editor sent me back two chapters of my book. Dang it! I guess this is actually my problem again.

Since

Camilo Moreno-Salamanca

agreed to being my book editor, I’ve been happily telling everyone that Bite-Sized Creativity was his problem now. He has been apologetic about delaying edits while he figured out how to rejig my book structure. I’ve been selfishly reassuring him by saying, “Oh not at all, please take your time! It’s totally okay!” The longer he holds onto the draft, the longer I can relax.

The daunting levels of creating

Writing a book is hard. Way harder than running a marathon (I haven’t done it. Because it’s hard!). It’s harder than other kinds of writing too, like my weekly Substack posts. After two years of consistent publishing, my weekly essays no longer feel like a heavy lift.

It feels like it’s time to level up. The way I see it, there are two levels of creating:

Level 1: Small, weekly creations

I started writing on Substack because experienced creators say that publishing weekly is the best way to get good at a craft. It’s all about consistency: building systems that make publishing easier, hitting weekly deadlines to build momentum, and prioritizing quantity over quality in the early stages. Nobody is great at anything in the beginning. The fastest way to improve is to iterate and keep going.

Another major reason I wrote weekly is to explore, like an archeologist digging for artifacts. The hope is that I “stumble” into an area of expertise or a “niche” that I kept gravitating towards.

I treat my Substack like my sketchbook. A space to practice, experiment, and sharpen my writing skills so that one day I’m good enough to tackle a bigger project that pulled me in… like a book.

The fear

I fear that the next step would mean that I have to stop publishing weekly. I’m scared of that for a few reasons: that 1) it’d be hard to come back in (when I stop working out for three weeks, the first one back is really hard), 2) that I’d lose my essay writing skills and jump back to shitty level 1 essays, 3) that I’d have to rebuild the discipline and systems I’ve so meticulously crafted.

Level 2: How to create bigger creations

But after two years of consistent output, my taste has grown faster than my skills. Ira Glass calls this “The Gap”. He said that creators often experience a disparity between their refined taste and their current skill level. The gap can only be bridged by producing a large volume of work, which will eventually bring your creations in line with your expectations.

I can sense when my writing could be better if I just had more time to refine it. I also want to write essays with more depth and that are larger in scope.

I’ve arrived at a point where the scale tips from quantity to quality.

The challenge with bigger projects is that they require more time and energy, which will detract from the consistent cadence that I have so meticulously built. “Writing weekly on Substack” is probably ingrained into my identity after 93 uninterrupted weeks. But at this point, I feel that I'm ready to level up, even if it means sacrificing consistency.

Since I have passed level 1, I don’t think I’ll have trouble getting back to a consistent cadence even after stepping off. I’ve already done the hard parts. I’ve overcome the fear of publishing. I’ve created so much that creating more is second nature. In fact, stepping away from consistency doesn’t mean that I will stop creating. If anything, I’ll very likely get back into it.

I’m not stepping away. I’m shifting focus.

To complete my Bite-Sized Creativity book, I know I need to ease off my Substack essays in some way. But I want to still keep my weekly cadence because it still feels fun for me.

I have ideas for making my posts more light-touch. I’m toying with photo essays (I haven’t shared much of my photography here), writing shorter, 300-word posts instead of my usual 800+, or simply publishing logs.

Multiple timelines

When I was a reporter, an editor told me to keep two things going at once: short-form pieces for the news cycle and portfolio-worthy longer-form pieces in the background.

In a sense, I’ve treated my Substack posts like my shorter pieces and have been more quietly working in the background on longer pieces like this chonker of an essay. It was already possible for me to graduate to level 2 without sacrificing my consistency. I suspect I can do the same with Bite-Sized Creativity.

Paul Millerd

says, “Write most days, publish most weeks.” There is a seasonality to creating that is worth entertaining.

Some writing friends, like

Steven Foster

, took a break from posting regularly to focus on their book. Others, like

Charlie Bleecker

, maintain their weekly cadence while writing their memoir. It seems like both are possible. I just have to go with what feels right for me.

What is this all for, anyway?

Why did I even start writing in the first place? What was the point? I got into writing online so that I could one day write something that I’m proud of. Like a book about creative practice.

Last May, I published a post called “Bite-Sized Creativity”. This was the impetus to what is now my book. I had found the shiny fossil I was archeologist-ing. I was just too scared to go “all in” into it, faffing around with weekly posts for a few months before finally writing a draft.

Writing weekly essays got me past level 1. Now it’s time to level up. To embrace the level 2 of creating, I’ve got to let some level 1 rigidity go.

Best believe I’ll be Beck At It in no time ;)

Thank you to friends who push me to level up: Ali,

Rik

,

Josh Ponelat

, and

Ved Shankar

.

---

Update log:

• 📺 I watched most of Arcane (sans all the bloody scenes that I kept scurrying away from). It was so great. I feel the need to rewatch it now that I know who lives, who dies, who tells their stories.

• 📹 Recorded and published my creative updates for February.

• 🖱️ Still tinkering with AI. This week, I’ve been trying out Cursor and documenting it on a Build Log.

• 🎤 Jin's niece stayed over so naturally we did a karaoke session for Wicked songs.

• 🥂 Spent some days of lunar new year hanging with friends. This is something I’m working on because I tell myself this “story” that hanging out is “unproductive”. Reminder to self: Money is means to an end. The end is deep, meaningful relationships.

• 👾 Inspired by a dinner convo with a friend, I got access back to my Neopets account (!!!). My Kacheek was dying but now it is starving.

Book a call: Have a bite-sized creative project? Let’s give you a starting line boost a la Mario Kart - https://calendly.com/beckyisj/

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