What do you want?

The biggest question from a room of infinite possibilities

I’ve been told that people normally hop off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan.

Unfortunately for me, I have neither of those things.

I was instead coming for Press Publish LA, an event for 500 creators to gather under one shared interest of being in the creator economy. I had intended to come under the guise of learning how to grow the world’s largest productivity YouTube channel, but instead I am figuring out what my next steps would be in my last few weeks of the job.

Towards the end of the day, Samir - one-half of Colin & Samir, hosts of the event - asked me: What do you want to do?

I was stumped.

Because honestly I don’t know what I want.

This New York street (a movie lot) had all the brilliant minds that can make anything happen. Creators, sponsors, brands, operators. While this would have been an opportune moment to pitch my dream idea or angle myself towards a dream project, I’m “wasting” it because “I don’t know what I want”.

As a current YouTube producer or strategist, I’ve heard many folks tell me that I could be a freelance YouTube strategist, start a YouTube agency like many of my fellow ex-Ali Abdaal cinematic universe alums, or, in Ali’s words, use my AI skills to run an AI-first content agency.

But gosh I do not feel interested in running an agency at the moment.

Some have also said that I can switch to become on-camera talent. I record YouTube videos, after all. Heck, I was publishing there for 2 years before I switched over to writing. I record Instagram reels. I have a video podcast.

But that also feels not quite right. I enjoy writing the most and I don’t want to do it full-time. I don’t think YouTube would be any different.

In any case, it kinda feels dangerous to automatically go with what people assume is the next natural path because now I’m just following a pathway that someone else has charted for me. A default path in the creative path.

And best believe I did not leave a bank just to go on another default path.

So while I still don’t know what I want, I know this much:

• I want to be surrounded by fun, curious people

• I want to do fun things

• I want to work on a project that will be published

• I want my name on the byline

• I love writing

• I enjoy trimming down a video hook to be as tight as possible

• I love telling stories

• I want to build something with a group of people and grow it

• I want to be in a team where we’re all aligned to our moonshot goal

• I want to enjoy my work.

This sounds vague af, and it’s malleable enough to fit any role / job / project.

I’ve learned that you have to be very specific in womanifesting what you want. And this feels too wide of a net.

But at least this is a starting point. And I’ll be able to gut-check my future options against this.

P.S. I just finished reading Austin Kleon’s Don’t Call It Art and I feel very seen:

I am a person who does not really know what I want to do or who I want to be. This has been the case for many years. I don’t have any huge goals or a grand vision for my life. I just try to do the work that’s in front of me.

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Update log:

• 📖 Met Michael Dean himself and got him to sign my copy of The Best Internet Essays 2025 anthology!

• 👩‍💻 Naturally, I got inspired by him to build out my own version of his library but I didn’t build it in time - Fable had been discontinued by the time I had any spare time at all 🥲

• ☕ Had bagels and coffee with raymond! Didn’t nab any Flores De Oro gear for myself this time around but I’ll be back for the collection 👀

• 🥘 Spent a lot of time hanging out with my friends - whom I flew to New York for. In particular, I got to know her new husband because we shared so many meals together. It’s nice to be in someone’s world so intensely over a week.

• 👋 Offically wrapped up my last week with Ali. Now onto the next adventure.

• 📹 New YouTube video: My Travel Journal System with Field Notes

My book: Grab a copy of Bite-Sized Creativity, a 45-min read about how to live a creative life on top of your 9-to-5.

Work with me: https://go.beckyisj.com/workwithme

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