Patience in the sun

Walking in tandem with time

My go-to lunchtime bench.

I’ve been drawn to sitting outside at noon.

The ocean breeze is cool and the light is warm. A breather from my air-conditioned office building hidden away in the shade. My eyes ease at the wider field of view, having been constricted to two external monitors that most certainly strain my vision. The bench warmly cradles me as I sit, and my body reclines into relaxation. My deep exhales join the waves to flow away from the shore.

I bring Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. It’s my first paperback after three years, an affair from my Kindle. At 12:30, I sit at the east-most bench on the right side, facing the waters and in the shadows.

I thumb through the pages and find my bookmark, a receipt from a fancy French cafe where I had a meeting with a vendor last week. The action of reading prose on paper feels rebellious after editing ad copies in the corporate corner cubicle. It sounds like a lunch break, it smells like a lunch break, and it really feels like a lunch break.

I’ve sat on this bench often enough to know how the sun rays move as the hour passes. I ignore the numbers on my wrist and let the sun be my clock.

After flicking through Sadie and Sam’s second serendipitous encounter, the rays start peeking through the trees, lighting up the west bench first.

Hong Kong, a cornucopia of skyscrapers, is recognizable by parallel cast shadows. But here by the pier, the shadows are in the shape of the trees swaying in the wind and people passing for a jog, a place to eat lunch, or to twiddle on their phones. I finish a chapter - Sam and Sadie are squaring their differences - and move onto the next. The sun lights up bench #2.

My eyes race through the pages, wanting to know if Sadie and Sam will stay friends. The sun lights up bench #3.

I’m next.

Right as Sadie and Sam reconcile for the sixth time, the sun rays burn through the back of my blouse. The afternoon sun is unforgiving.

I start to sweat, and I know my hour is up. If I stay, the sun cuts through my hair and into my scalp, like when marshmallows get too close to the campfire. I close my book and walk back towards my office.

There's a lot I do with time. I waste it, I kill it, I take it. Why don't I just let it be?

I’ve been unkind to time. I don’t possess the patience to let life have a life of its own. Waiting feels unproductive. Doing nothing feels uncomfortable. Patience feels unbearable. Life unfolds when it wants to, not when I will it. But day-to-day, I get anxious when I don’t get an email reply within 24 hours, or antsy when my granola order is stuck at the distribution center for two days, or agitated when the bathroom line does not move (ok this one is kinda hard).

Referring to the sun freed me of time. Instead of aiming to finish a chapter in 10 minutes, I was following the ebbs and flows of Sam and Sadie’s friendship. Without a clock, I can't reference time, so I can't track my reading speed.

Instead of chasing or being chased by time, I could let time walk in tandem next to me. Time can become my companion instead of predator or prey.

I’ve been learning to respect the pace of time. To lean into the passing hours of the evening, to sleep when I feel tired, to let out a breath before I hit “reply”. It’s the antithesis to hustle culture. The opposite of “getting things done”.

And as for whether or not Sadie and Sam will work it out? Well… I’ll find out in time.

Thank you

Tommy Dixon

,

Priya Nain

,

Lilian Wanjiku Warutere

, and

Lavinia Iosub

for their time with this essay.

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Update log:

• 🖋️ I untwisted the knob of my morning pages fountain pen too hard so I brought it to the local shop I got it from. The owner, who knows me by name, not only fixed it in 30 minutes, but he also greased it so it’s smoother to fill. It’s so much better than a brand new pen.

• 📷 Planning to dip my toes into telephoto lenses, both digital and film. Any recs? I have a Sony ZV-E10 (digital) and Canon EOS 88 (film).

• 📹 Helped with a video shoot at work. It’s fun times when I’m able to bring in skills I obtained from my creative life into my workplace.

• 🛬 Hung out with my journalist friends who flew in this past weekend, just eating and photographing our way through the city. I’m so grateful for friends who fly to meet, and I hope to continue flaming this same torch in 2024.

• 🎵 I can’t get Beyoncé’s MY HOUSE out of my head.

• 📺 Started watching The Office (I know, I know…). It was not too funny when I was working remotely. But now that I’m back in the Corporate Office, it’s actually pretty darn hilarious.