Hey Becky, this is a really honest piece, thanks for sharing it with the world. As a white, straight, English man who's lived a pretty charmed life so far, I'm always afraid to enter any conversations about these issues for fear of being shot down and told I have no place. But your piece is the first one I'm dipping my toe in to say, as you've so eloquently written, that there are lots of boys and men who want to realise their potential and become everything they can be, whilst also making room for others, treating others kindly, and having difficult conversations about inequality and injustice. I've been worried for a long time now that some men (or any person with masculine energy) will be made to equate their ambition and assertive energies with patriarchal tyranny. There's obvs a fine line between being assertive and being overbearing and in our culture it's becoming harder to have that conversation. We need more women (or any people with feminine energy) to write more things like your piece. Because it opens the door to having those conversations and helping us see that we're all just humans who need the same things: to feel certainty, uncertainty, significance, and connection. I'm rambling now but just to say, thank you for writing so honestly and bravely. I think it's fantastic you're choosing to connect more with your bro. No doubt he wants to be closer to you too but he's currently unsure how to proceed. Your maturity, courage and decisiveness is a gift to both of you
Thanks Harrison for your really kind words. I've realized I've fallen so far across the dichotomy when there shouldn't have been too much of a gap at all! Glad that this piece sparked something. I'm so grateful for your gentle comments.
beautiful piece, Becky – thanks for sharing your journey as a sister & feminist!
love Harrison's point. over the years, I'm come to realize how beautifully relationships can unfold when there's space for more masculine and feminine energy from both genders. women who can flex their masculinity men who can embrace their femininity. it allows and welcomes beautiful conversations like these :)
So true! I feel so comfortable in the feminine energy around me that I often forget to embrace the masculine. This is a good reminder to continuously allow both to flow together :)
Ugh Becky! I got choked up at the end. I'm about to see my younger sister this weekend, and I know as the older sibling, it's my responsibility to "go first."
I'm reminded of this quote from Mark Duplass on Unlocking Us:
"My parents get a ton of, 'What did you do to raise two boys that made them stick together like this, communicate, love each other the way they do?' And the only thing I can say clearly, is it has to start with the older sibling. All the younger siblings really want is to go party with the older siblings, and they usually experience a rejection there and then the toxicity enters and it never leaves."
That quote hits hard because it's so true, even as I feel a resistance to admit it as the older sibling. I hope you will have a meaningful time with your sister this weekend!
Thanks, Susmeet! It's so easy to see some bits of them as individuals and others as a group (subconsciously). It's taken me so long (up till writing this essay) to realize that.
was great meeting you too. enjoyed this reflection! I think our world has become so filled with ideas about who people are that we often forget to just have shaved ice with other people :-)
I appreciate the vulnerability you showed in this essay - it ain't easy putting yourself out there in this way. A beautiful piece, I hope that first phone call with your brother was the start of something new.
My friend had the same happen to her after she had 2 sons.
"So when men are indecisive about dating my friends" - As a happy (or resigned) single man, I feel I should definitively state (in my social media handles and verbally) that I am not looking to date. I wonder if that would avoid some of the disdain or expectation to pursue.
ohhh yeah maybe when the topic comes up in a conversation, what happens when you politely say you are not looking? I feel like people would be able to respect that (many women are the same).
Whoah, this was a good one, as usual with your writing!
"I say “men are trash”, automatically diminishing half the human species into an invisible corner." - BAM. Such a poignant, insightful observation of how many women (and some men) think these days.
"I pay more attention to women’s issues, I tell myself, because we are the marginalized group in society." - It fits perfectly in my cynic view. "Humans only act out of their self-interests."
Earlier as a "good feminist" you didn't feel the need to care for men. Now your priority has shifted to being a "good sister", hence you expanded your worldview.
I've been exploring the theme of "lost brothers" so the story with your brother drew me in. I love that you called him as part of writing this. Lovely piece.
Hey Becky, this is a really honest piece, thanks for sharing it with the world. As a white, straight, English man who's lived a pretty charmed life so far, I'm always afraid to enter any conversations about these issues for fear of being shot down and told I have no place. But your piece is the first one I'm dipping my toe in to say, as you've so eloquently written, that there are lots of boys and men who want to realise their potential and become everything they can be, whilst also making room for others, treating others kindly, and having difficult conversations about inequality and injustice. I've been worried for a long time now that some men (or any person with masculine energy) will be made to equate their ambition and assertive energies with patriarchal tyranny. There's obvs a fine line between being assertive and being overbearing and in our culture it's becoming harder to have that conversation. We need more women (or any people with feminine energy) to write more things like your piece. Because it opens the door to having those conversations and helping us see that we're all just humans who need the same things: to feel certainty, uncertainty, significance, and connection. I'm rambling now but just to say, thank you for writing so honestly and bravely. I think it's fantastic you're choosing to connect more with your bro. No doubt he wants to be closer to you too but he's currently unsure how to proceed. Your maturity, courage and decisiveness is a gift to both of you
Thanks Harrison for your really kind words. I've realized I've fallen so far across the dichotomy when there shouldn't have been too much of a gap at all! Glad that this piece sparked something. I'm so grateful for your gentle comments.
you made it possible!
thanks for raising your voice on this Harrison
Thanks for stopping by, Rick!
beautiful piece, Becky – thanks for sharing your journey as a sister & feminist!
love Harrison's point. over the years, I'm come to realize how beautifully relationships can unfold when there's space for more masculine and feminine energy from both genders. women who can flex their masculinity men who can embrace their femininity. it allows and welcomes beautiful conversations like these :)
So true! I feel so comfortable in the feminine energy around me that I often forget to embrace the masculine. This is a good reminder to continuously allow both to flow together :)
it's funny, I actually feel way more comfortable in my masculine and am learning to step into my feminine :)
😊
My dear friend, you have moved me with not only your words but your action.
Encouragement is the reminder one has a heart for the ages.
Well done. 🥲
Thanks Steven. Your nudge was exactly what I needed. I'm grateful to have people like you whose love and faith is so contagious!
Ugh Becky! I got choked up at the end. I'm about to see my younger sister this weekend, and I know as the older sibling, it's my responsibility to "go first."
I'm reminded of this quote from Mark Duplass on Unlocking Us:
"My parents get a ton of, 'What did you do to raise two boys that made them stick together like this, communicate, love each other the way they do?' And the only thing I can say clearly, is it has to start with the older sibling. All the younger siblings really want is to go party with the older siblings, and they usually experience a rejection there and then the toxicity enters and it never leaves."
That quote hits hard because it's so true, even as I feel a resistance to admit it as the older sibling. I hope you will have a meaningful time with your sister this weekend!
Thank you! I'm sure I'll write about it lol.
Becky! Thank you for writing this.
Harrison has written appreciations for this piece better than I could have, and I won't repeat him.
What I love about this piece is, it centres around a brother, your brother.
And not "men", the abstract class of people.
This is very refreshing.
And allows room for more nuanced thinking and conversation.
It inspires me to step away from "Men" and "Women", and look at my brother, cousin, mom, aunt, friend, for who they are.
Thanks, Susmeet! It's so easy to see some bits of them as individuals and others as a group (subconsciously). It's taken me so long (up till writing this essay) to realize that.
love your weekly updates! your essays encourage me to look at my own life critically too. keep ‘em coming :)
Thanks so much for hopping in week by week Hsu. This means so much.
was great meeting you too. enjoyed this reflection! I think our world has become so filled with ideas about who people are that we often forget to just have shaved ice with other people :-)
That's so true! And at the end of the day, we all love a good big bowl of shaved ice :)
I'm glad you and your brother are starting anew. :)
Thanks, Bernice!
I appreciate the vulnerability you showed in this essay - it ain't easy putting yourself out there in this way. A beautiful piece, I hope that first phone call with your brother was the start of something new.
I hope so too! I was so nervous to put this essay out. Turns out my brother loved it.
My friend had the same happen to her after she had 2 sons.
"So when men are indecisive about dating my friends" - As a happy (or resigned) single man, I feel I should definitively state (in my social media handles and verbally) that I am not looking to date. I wonder if that would avoid some of the disdain or expectation to pursue.
ohhh yeah maybe when the topic comes up in a conversation, what happens when you politely say you are not looking? I feel like people would be able to respect that (many women are the same).
Whoah, this was a good one, as usual with your writing!
"I say “men are trash”, automatically diminishing half the human species into an invisible corner." - BAM. Such a poignant, insightful observation of how many women (and some men) think these days.
Thanks, Lavinia! Always love your comments and having you stop by, as always.
Wow, Becky, this is so beautiful, and this kind of vulnerability takes courage. Bravo, and thank you for sharing!
On a lighter note, I finally know about someone else who keeps their Hilary Duff CDs in their car! Those are some of my most prized possessions (:
Thanks, Catalina. And YESSSS Metamorphosis and her eponymous albums were my faves. Instantly brings me back <3
I like the reflections.
"I pay more attention to women’s issues, I tell myself, because we are the marginalized group in society." - It fits perfectly in my cynic view. "Humans only act out of their self-interests."
Earlier as a "good feminist" you didn't feel the need to care for men. Now your priority has shifted to being a "good sister", hence you expanded your worldview.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Rohan
I've been exploring the theme of "lost brothers" so the story with your brother drew me in. I love that you called him as part of writing this. Lovely piece.
Woah, kindred spirits. Please let me know how your "lost brothers" explorations go. Thanks for your kind input, Jeff.
Beautiful essay Becky. it’s inspiring for me to see how you’re navigating deeper topics with grace
celebrate this one :)
Thanks Tommy! I haven't been so nervous to put out a piece for a while. And I think nerves are a signal that something good is around the corner!
I’m confident you have so many good things around the corner :)