"This is unrealistic in face-to-face conversations, yet we tolerate it in the digital realm, believing that technology can bypass the limitations of space and attention span." This is such a good point.
Thanks Rick. Harrison brought a really good point that whenever he thinks something is odd, he tries to visualize it as if he's in a village in the "older" times and it'll just prove how ridiculous some stuff is.
At times, I wait till I'm in front of a laptop and can reply faster using WhatsApp web. but it's still kind of impossible to keep up with... some messages slip through and remain unread :/
Becky! This essay made me feel seen (no pressure to respond). It's tough facing the guilt of not responding to friends, but you're right. If it's important, it would be over a call. I think calls with friends and family hould be encouraged a lot more—it's easier and way more fun.
I have turned off notifications for months now. And from having hundreds of unread msgs everyday, almost none of my friends chat me randomly now. BUT when somebody does, it usually leads to more meaningful conversations. For a very long time, having fewer messages in my inbox made me sad. Do my friends hate me because I didn't respond? Maybe some do. But the ones I care for the most usually never mind. And I guess I like it better this way now, because if I really wanted to value my relationships, I'd call and meet them in person.
Calls with friends while doing chores has been my favorite thing! A lot better than texting and both sides get a clean house afterwards :p
Ah I noticed that too! Once I stopped "enabling" these messages aka replying to people quickly, people don't find me for quick things. Which is really great, because maybe they're looking for people who can reply quickly? And I'm not that person anymore...
a great read! i do agree that everyone has their own capacity in terms of replying messages; some people reply instantly and some take days to reply and it’s probably due to how much communication we can take at a time. now off to check my messages….
I feel like we're getting better at acknowledging the different speeds... Before it used to be "why didn't you reply me?" but I think now collective fatigue has set in and everyone understands....
I think the rise of async communication has actually made us more anxious because now we receive a constant stream of cortisol around work that never allows us to decouple. We are ever in the work mode and life mode with all kinds of lines blurred.
On the topic of "if its important they'll call" the funny thing is - my gripe with most communication in India is that people call incessantly. I wish, no, I scream for people to send messages first but no - everything is a 2 minute "quick call" to resolve. This is even worse, especially for someone who'd much rather prefer to look at messages of my choosing and reply peacefully than be sucked into a live conversation frequently.
"This is unrealistic in face-to-face conversations, yet we tolerate it in the digital realm, believing that technology can bypass the limitations of space and attention span." This is such a good point.
Thanks Rick. Harrison brought a really good point that whenever he thinks something is odd, he tries to visualize it as if he's in a village in the "older" times and it'll just prove how ridiculous some stuff is.
"Would this fly in the village?" What a great little perspective hack. thanks
Times that are convenient for the sender that are inconvenient for you. I’m wondering what happens if you read them when it IS convenient for you?
At times, I wait till I'm in front of a laptop and can reply faster using WhatsApp web. but it's still kind of impossible to keep up with... some messages slip through and remain unread :/
Time to cull some people from your lists?!
Becky! This essay made me feel seen (no pressure to respond). It's tough facing the guilt of not responding to friends, but you're right. If it's important, it would be over a call. I think calls with friends and family hould be encouraged a lot more—it's easier and way more fun.
I have turned off notifications for months now. And from having hundreds of unread msgs everyday, almost none of my friends chat me randomly now. BUT when somebody does, it usually leads to more meaningful conversations. For a very long time, having fewer messages in my inbox made me sad. Do my friends hate me because I didn't respond? Maybe some do. But the ones I care for the most usually never mind. And I guess I like it better this way now, because if I really wanted to value my relationships, I'd call and meet them in person.
Calls with friends while doing chores has been my favorite thing! A lot better than texting and both sides get a clean house afterwards :p
Ah I noticed that too! Once I stopped "enabling" these messages aka replying to people quickly, people don't find me for quick things. Which is really great, because maybe they're looking for people who can reply quickly? And I'm not that person anymore...
a great read! i do agree that everyone has their own capacity in terms of replying messages; some people reply instantly and some take days to reply and it’s probably due to how much communication we can take at a time. now off to check my messages….
I feel like we're getting better at acknowledging the different speeds... Before it used to be "why didn't you reply me?" but I think now collective fatigue has set in and everyone understands....
I'm like this too, but I didn't have such in-depth look at it. I was just chalking it up to anxiety...
The overwhelm has definitely caused more anxiety for me...
Definitely, there's always that feeling of dread when the phone rings too...😅
I think the rise of async communication has actually made us more anxious because now we receive a constant stream of cortisol around work that never allows us to decouple. We are ever in the work mode and life mode with all kinds of lines blurred.
On the topic of "if its important they'll call" the funny thing is - my gripe with most communication in India is that people call incessantly. I wish, no, I scream for people to send messages first but no - everything is a 2 minute "quick call" to resolve. This is even worse, especially for someone who'd much rather prefer to look at messages of my choosing and reply peacefully than be sucked into a live conversation frequently.