‘These conversations are often a release valve. They just need to let things out.’ You have beautifully painted a picture of what this zoom interaction does between a conversation with two writers. I love how you applied it to your life conversations. I learned a lot in this piece and appreciate you sharing how it went during your trip home. As I prepare (or try to bail) on my next holiday family trip, I will remember this one. I’m so glad it went well for you. 🥹
"For what must be a world record somewhere, the trip was ten days and I didn’t fight with my mom once."
What a wonderful case study of your experience with Rik's tools (which I've always appreciated as well.) Very useful and inspiring to hear how you specifically put them into action. Or actually used them to avoid unhelpful action in this case. What a fantastic feeling this must give you to know you have the power to preserve and deepen connection this way.
Rik's got some true magic sauce. It was so incredibly empowering to feel in control of these conversations with my parents, after so many years of just feeling like I had to follow their ebb and flow. What stemmed from the sparring gyms have become so precious.
This is an excellent topic with some extremely powerful insights! I love how you took something from WoP and were able to apply it to such a close and personal aspect of your life.
Reading this, I'm feeling a lot of overlap with my relationship with my mom. We are both very stubborn and opinionated and very different when it comes to beliefs and ways of doing things. Another thing that was incredibly helpful for me recently was to keep in mind that my mom lived a life before becoming a mom. She's gone through her own traumas and difficult times, most of which I probably have zero knowledge of, and she can only parent with the tools she has in her belt. What I see as "micromanaging" is actually her trying to offer the help she feels she didn't have when she was going through a similar struggle. I think your approach of active listening pairs well with my approach of remembering my mom's a person too, not *just* a mom and I'll keep it at the forefront of my mind when I visit my mom in a few weeks. Thanks for the timely reminder! :)
This is such a powerful reflection. I also forget often that my mother is a human and not a perfect mom. You're very right in which our two approaches pair well together. I'll also remember this when I visit my mom again later this year :)
Interesting observations on conversations. I have had a listening problem in the past not because I have been too eager to talk about myself but because I have been anxious in conversations about saying interesting enough responses. I had always went in with the belief that I need to say witty, interesting or exciting things to keep them engaged. This meant I am barely listening but instead trying to think of what to say in response. Over time, giving myself the excuse to be just what I am made it easier. On the other hand, I have been in conversations where I have asked all the questions and made the other person the center of conversation and felt resentful that they didn't care enough to ask questions or take an equal interest. 😅
There's definitely a performative aspect to speaking. I'm guilty of it myself. Letting yourself just be who you are sounds like a great way to go about it :)
‘These conversations are often a release valve. They just need to let things out.’ You have beautifully painted a picture of what this zoom interaction does between a conversation with two writers. I love how you applied it to your life conversations. I learned a lot in this piece and appreciate you sharing how it went during your trip home. As I prepare (or try to bail) on my next holiday family trip, I will remember this one. I’m so glad it went well for you. 🥹
Thanks so much Kelly! Family trips are like the ultimate boss battle to see if therapy has worked 😂
"For what must be a world record somewhere, the trip was ten days and I didn’t fight with my mom once."
What a wonderful case study of your experience with Rik's tools (which I've always appreciated as well.) Very useful and inspiring to hear how you specifically put them into action. Or actually used them to avoid unhelpful action in this case. What a fantastic feeling this must give you to know you have the power to preserve and deepen connection this way.
Rik's got some true magic sauce. It was so incredibly empowering to feel in control of these conversations with my parents, after so many years of just feeling like I had to follow their ebb and flow. What stemmed from the sparring gyms have become so precious.
Yes, many people have experienced his wise counsel. A great story all around.
Beautiful! Thanks Becky, for the reminder that our parents are fragile, messy humans just like us.
Thanks, Kat! They really are just people. I forget that ALL the time...
This is an excellent topic with some extremely powerful insights! I love how you took something from WoP and were able to apply it to such a close and personal aspect of your life.
Reading this, I'm feeling a lot of overlap with my relationship with my mom. We are both very stubborn and opinionated and very different when it comes to beliefs and ways of doing things. Another thing that was incredibly helpful for me recently was to keep in mind that my mom lived a life before becoming a mom. She's gone through her own traumas and difficult times, most of which I probably have zero knowledge of, and she can only parent with the tools she has in her belt. What I see as "micromanaging" is actually her trying to offer the help she feels she didn't have when she was going through a similar struggle. I think your approach of active listening pairs well with my approach of remembering my mom's a person too, not *just* a mom and I'll keep it at the forefront of my mind when I visit my mom in a few weeks. Thanks for the timely reminder! :)
This is such a powerful reflection. I also forget often that my mother is a human and not a perfect mom. You're very right in which our two approaches pair well together. I'll also remember this when I visit my mom again later this year :)
Interesting observations on conversations. I have had a listening problem in the past not because I have been too eager to talk about myself but because I have been anxious in conversations about saying interesting enough responses. I had always went in with the belief that I need to say witty, interesting or exciting things to keep them engaged. This meant I am barely listening but instead trying to think of what to say in response. Over time, giving myself the excuse to be just what I am made it easier. On the other hand, I have been in conversations where I have asked all the questions and made the other person the center of conversation and felt resentful that they didn't care enough to ask questions or take an equal interest. 😅
There's definitely a performative aspect to speaking. I'm guilty of it myself. Letting yourself just be who you are sounds like a great way to go about it :)