Delegating willpower

Choosing how to spend this finite resource

The resources that are finite to me: time, money, and willpower.

The weight resting on my back felt heavier and heavier. I used to be able to do these squats no problem. 1.2x bodyweight. 3-4 sets of 10. But lately it’s been getting harder. I squat, taking on the 7th rep. It felt like a Sisyphusian effort to push the 60kg weighted bar back up against gravity. The bass of Kendrick Lamar’s DNA pumped through my PowerBeats Pro and I shot myself a stern look in the mirror.

You got this. Three more to go.

Kendrick’s got loyalty and royalty inside his DNA? Maybe I have more quads power inside mine. I lower slowly. This is the easy part. I then tighten my core, push the ground against my feet, and lurched back upwards. I didn’t know if I could push two more reps, so I racked the weights lest I injure myself.

As many gym bros do in between exercises, I opened up my phone and started scrolling. Resting after a set is necessary to pump through another. Sitting down and scrolling felt easy. I didn’t want to push through my other sets. Or my other exercises, even. Is today back day or arm day? I’m not even sure now.

Going to the gym was becoming more and more of a drag. As I took on more and more projects, work started to sap off more of my energy. I had very little left to siphon off to spend on exercising, which meant I wasn’t creating any workout regimens for myself, which led to unsatisfying health results because my gym routine was non-existent. The frustration led me to go fewer and fewer times to the gym.

I let my gym membership expire. Perhaps serendipitously, a friend invited me to join a class in a workout studio she frequents at. They have a variety of 50-minute classes, ranging from cardio-heavy “Fatburn + Abs Blaze” to reformer pilates to weighted BODYPUMP workouts. Since I regarded myself as a weights girlie, I signed up for my first BODYPUMP that July.

I started off with light weights, slapping on a mere 2.5kg on either side of my bar for the whole class. I had to familiarize myself with the moves before loading up on the weights, knowing that an injury would put a months-long pause on my exercising. The workout consisted of popular songs that were edited to be 5-6 minutes in length, each corresponding to different tracks: a warmup, squats, chest, back, biceps/triceps, lunges/shoulders, abs. The instructor, Dennis, was a fun Australian guy who would sing along to Sweet Child O’ Mine and The Middle as he’s demoing the moves. I didn’t need to think about what move to do next; all I needed to do was copy the instructor. I hastily followed the chest presses, pushups, and the cleans and presses. The next day, I woke up feeling sore all over the targeted muscles and knew the workout routine did its job.

I was sold.

I continued doing BODYPUMP. I didn’t have to wrangle myself out of the office to work out anymore. I had a set time for the class — if I miss it, I pay a penalty — so I didn’t have to expend any willpower to get myself to the studio. Once I’m in the class, all I have to do is mimic the instructor and do the moves as best as I can.

Three months into joining the studio, my shoulders became more square, my posture straightened up because my back muscles were now developed enough to hold my upper body up, and of course, my glutes became bootylicious. I saw more changes in my body shape in those three months than in the past three years. I worked out more intensely and intentionally while spending just a fraction of my willpower.

Joining workout classes became one of the many ways in which I “delegated” my willpower to someone else. Instead of having to spend, say, 3 “units” of willpower to bring myself to the gym, another “unit” to get on the squat racks, another “unit” to sit on the back machine, and another “unit” to do another set of ten reps… I would just book a class and show up. The instructor takes care of the rest - figuring out what moves to do, and even nudging me to slab on an extra kg on my bar - while I just follow.

I’ve since “delegated” more of my willpower to others. I wanted to get a writing routine in, so I joined a writing course that encourages weekly publishing on Substack. I wanted to improve my painting, so I joined an art course where the instructors give feedback, so I have to make twenty paintings for them to give feedback on.

With all the additional willpower I have under reserve, I can focus more on what matters to me and cannot be outsourced. I can hone in on my sectoral knowledge and make a banger presentation for work, for example. But best of all, I can save up my willpower to make sweet moments with friends all the more sweeter, such as cooking them a Padang coconut chicken dish that only I can make.

Thank you to friends who helped me push through this essay with their willpower:

Wyndo

and

clare chai

.

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Looking back: Dual class shareholders were initiated by newspaper companies who don't want the pressures of a shareholder towards our editorial coverage. What changed was when Sergey [Brin] & Larry [Page] wanted to do that and it was a big battle. But it's Google and everyone wanted in. Since then every founder that has a decent amount of leverage pulls it off. — Source: Pivot Pod

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Update log:

• 🖌️ Joined a live figure drawing session. Jin remarked that the timetable looks like a CrossFit workout plan. No wonder I’m so exhausted.

• ✍🏼 Still working on that token Asian lesbian essay.

  nat
  has given me great pointers to move this forward. It’s coming…

• 🥣 Made a new batch of spring onion kimchi and shared it with some friends. Food is my love language.

• 📸 Loaded my camera with a 3200-ISO film and I have never felt more powerful. I’m shooting fast and in low light.

• 📖 Still working through Walden by Henry David Thoreau (7% completed). IDK if I’m just hate-reading it at this point — he sounds so stuck up in some sections. I’m still waiting to be bedazzled.

• 🙅‍♀️ Pushed back on some pride month-related projects at work because I am at capacity. Just because I’m queer doesn’t mean the gays will do all this extra free work for June? It’s pride month, the straights should be serving.

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